Sometimes it just hits you.
I have a lot of friends sending their little ones to Kindergarten this year. Getting caught up in the excitement of school registration, new backpacks and sneakers - sending their babies off to a new milestone.
And then I think of Robert.
There won't be any first day of school picture with his big brother on the front steps of the house. No telling Mason, "Keep an eye out for your little brother - that's what big brothers do."
Sometimes grief comes back around. And that's okay.
If there's anything I've learned over the past five years, it's that grief and death (especially when it comes to a baby or child) makes people very uncomfortable. If it's a feeling that doesn't make someone feel good or happy or comfortable, they reject it - even if it means rejecting the person that comes along with it. Grieving is not a bad thing.
Grief comes in waves.
Feeling sad over a loss 5 or 10 or 15 or even 30 years later is okay. Sadness over the loss of a loved one doesn't have an expiration date. It doesn't mean that someone isn't grateful everyday for all that God has done for them or for the children they already have. It just means that we miss them. That they are still valued. That they are forever loved.
The holidays this last year were rough. After all the love and support I've received from friends since Robert died, I got my first sad reality of someone who couldn't handle the loss of my son for the long-haul. For the first time, I heard the words, "Get over it" and "I don't want to hear about your 'baby' anymore." It cuts even deeper when those words come from your own mom.
Just know this - some people will never understand, and that's okay, too.
And then there are those that do, and that's all you need.
Just One who understands that it's okay to grieve again.
